Why You CANNOT Date A Married Person | #GetNaked with #memes | @phettehollins

I like memes. They range from funny, to serious, to inspirational. You name it, there’s a meme for it.

So, I’ve decided to pull out the ones that speak to me the loudest and incorporate them into my #GetNaked segment. For those who don’t know, #GetNaked is a Movement. It’s about removing what hurts to experience a life that works. It’s about addressing those things that folks don’t wanna talk about but are very necessary in order to heal and move past them. Watch the short video HERE!!!

Pastor Marcus Gill



This…right…here…spoke to my core. Just wait a second. I’ma tell you why. You absolutely cannot date a married person because…I tried it and…trust me. You just can’t.

Hold your hisses, judgments, and tomatoes.

I straddle the fence when it comes to marriage and cheating and who’s to blame. Lots of folks blame the woman, the whore, the home wrecker, the Alicia Keys. However, that woman is not the one who stood at the Justice of the Peace or in that church and took those vows.

I sometimes operate in this mindset because…I’m single dinna mug and I can do whatever I want, right?


Instead of asking What Would Jesus Do, I ask What Would Selina Do? I talked to my mom about everything. When I told her I liked girls she supported me. When I told her I liked boys, she said OK. And when I told her I liked girls again, she said she respected me for standing in my truth and not being ashamed of who I am. I did shock her a teeny bit 6 months ago when I professed I had a crush…on a BOY!

The initial shock didn’t last too long, but what did linger was her reaction to the fact that my boy crush is married. Yet, she didn’t judge me.

We talked about energy, and connections, and timing, and divine order. We also kicked it about growth (outgrowing and inner growth), (un)happiness, escapism, and love.

See, in the 3 years since I divorced my ex husband, I dated women only. Until HE stopped me dead in my tracks.

I’m Stevie Wonder To This

I wasn’t checking for no dudes. Noooo. I’m a lesbian, right?


Now, keep in mind I was getting hit on regularly by men. But I wasn’t trying to see that.

Here HE comes speaking my musical and intellectual languages.

Everything’s all good until it ain’t. All is good when you’re rapping verbatim to A Tribe Called Quest‘s Check The Rhyme and singing along to Tears For Fears’ Head Over Heels. All is not good when you wanna go somewhere in public or just chill and do nothing…with him…but CANNOT because it’s Sunday, and that’s “family” day.

Because I’m not ready for a relationship, I tweaked and justified and rationalized why seeing this married man was OK. But, the truth is…my spirit was in shambles.

OK, so, for reasons I do not care to discuss, I am choosing to leave religion out of this equation. Thank you very much, and just in case you’re itching to throw a verse at me!

I will say that even though I’m not the one who is in a committed relationship, I have a responsibility toooooo. Just because he’s not honoring his vows doesn’t mean I have to aid and abet. Do y’all see the aforementioned, invisible fence that I am straddling? I’m telling you. It keeps popping up, which is a SIGN.

Her Name is KARMA

The bottom line, the moral to the story, the point of it all is: You reap what you sow. You get what you give. Payback is a BIA BIA.

Reality Check

What Would Selina Do (WWSD)? Selina treated people the way they deserved to be treated. Though she didn’t pass judgment, she would not/did not condone my behavior. She was married and upheld her vows. While she wanted me to be happy and admired me standing in my truth, she didn’t want me involved with someone who wasn’t standing in theirs. It defeats this whole authenticity journey I’ve been on these past few years if I’m gon’ deal with someone who is living a lie. I’ve been there and done that and glad to have moved out.

If I do settle down and/or get married again, what type of mate will I get? What type of mate do I want? I know I don’t want a cheating one. So, if that’s the case, I need not direct that Karma beyotch anywhere my way.

We all fall short.

This is my #GetNaked. What’s yours?


Published by phettehollins

www.phettehollins.com www.facebook.com/phephi www.facebook.com/phettehollins www.twitter.com/phettehollins

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: