What betrayal taught me | @phettehollins #WritingThroughIt

Karma means action, work or deed. It also refers to the spiritual principle of cause & effect, where intent & actions (whether good or bad) of an individual influence the future of that individual.

I believe in good & bad karma. Most of the time, folks just say “karma” and that’s indicative to mean bad, automatically. We forget there’s another side of the coin. However, this post is about the bad side, though. 🙂

THE BETRAYAL

I’ve written about some of my wrongdoings before, and will continue to do so as a means to heal. In one of my posts, I talked about how I tried to date a married man. Last year, I betrayed someone who I considered a friend (without really knowing how to be one) by sleeping with her ex-girlfriend. I still cringe thinking about that. It still makes me uncomfortable, but I’m #WritingThroughIt.

A friend is a person who you bond with, typically a non-family member, who you hang out with and confide in.

I repented for my actions and then spent the next several months learning how to not only be a friend, but also a better person. I was on a roll. Doing the damn thing…then…Karma’s ass showed up. The convo went like this:

Karma

“Hey girl hey! First, let me just say, I see you and you’re doing a good job making sure your intent & actions are aligned so that you’re maximizing your cause & effect. Keep up the good work, girl.”

Me (blushing)

“Hey Karma heeeyyy! I truly appreciate that and thank you for noticing. You don’t know how much that means”…

KARMA INTERRUPTS

Karma

“But…do you remember back in February 2015, when you did X to Y?”

Me

“Uhhh…yeah…but…that was a mistake. I felt real bad and I learned from it.”

Karma

“Shh!!! I understand. But here ya go. And, remember, stay the course.”

She plopped that payback in my lap and vanished. This is a true story. Are y’all still following along?

THE PAYBACK

The payback came from someone who I considered a friend. Not just any friend. Not the friend you talk to every now and then. Naw!!! I communicated with this friend 1,2,3, & 4 times a day/week. Hung out with. Shared secrets with. Yet, this same friend is heard calling me every name in the book ‘cept “Boo,” which is what she used to affectionately call me.

Instead, she called me a gay bitch. A dyke bitch. A bi bitch because I like girls & dudes, judged my sexual palate, but never once judged me to my face. Divulged very personal information to the person she was talking to.

I listened to the 2 messages, which were approximately 3 minutes each, at least four dozen times. I was in disbelief. I went through 3 temperaments: shock, anger, and sadness. Once I accepted those emotions, the smoke cleared.

Tell me, what are the odds of my ex-friend calling someone, not getting an answer, and forgetting to hang up the phone? Apparently, the person she called had a vendetta to settle because he texted me, asked for my email address, then urged me to be on standby because this was something I “had to see.” Well, in this case, hear. And indeed it was. Again, what are the fuggin’ odds?

#BczOfSelina

My mom could be the sweetest, most soft-spoken person you ever met…until you crossed her. Or ME. She knew how to hold a grudge tighter than some African braids. She didn’t like my ex-friend, but knew I had a hard head and a soft heart. So, she allowed me to make mistakes so that I could learn from them. She told me to sever ties numerous times. But, in my natural fashion, I…DID…NOT…LISTEN.

TRANSFORMATION

So many things have transpired and manifested since I lost my mom. While I do forgive my ex-friend for her egregious (I like that word 🙂 )conduct, this situation had to happen in order for me not only to close the chapter, but also the entire book.

I vow to continue growing and learning and assuring that my intentions and actions are rooted in LOVE. “If it’s not an absolute YES, then it’s a NO.” ~@PeaceMakita