If you read my other post about side chicks, you’re probably wondering what the fascination is. There is none, really. I’m just writing what I know based on my experiences, with the hopes that someone can relate & escape that mental & emotional prison she’s in.
Over the last few years, I’ve been pretty transparent about what I’ve been through. By doing so, it has not only helped me heal & grow, it’s helped others as well. I started off vlogging on my YouTube Channel. You can check it out by clicking the link. Some of them are painful for me to watch simply because I remember the head space I was in during those times.
In the past, all I would attract were married men, unavailable men, unavailable people, actually. It became the norm for me, so I accepted it. I’m the type who believes that everything happens for a reason. And the fact that I kept attracting those kinds of people had to mean something, right? Well, it did.
It meant that I had to get to the core of my issues and assess the energy I was putting into the universe. I vlogged about my energy in a YouTube vid. < — Click & take a lookey.
You see, we get what we put out into the atmosphere. I was putting out (no pun intended) that I was emotionally unavailable and didn’t want a relationship because, low key, I didn’t trust anyone. So, guess what? I brought them to me, unknowingly.
We attract who we are, not what we want
Here are the 4 reasons why you shouldn’t want to be a side chick:
#1 It’s degrading
Regardless of how glorified the media and your friends make it. There aren’t enough clothes, money, and trips that can compensate for your body and your worth.
Which leads me to #2: It diminishes your self-WORTH
Settling to be a side piece says a lot about how you view yourself. It’s all about mindset. Once we know what we’re valued at, we will not discount ourselves. EVER!
#3 It’s disrespectful
Not only are you disrespecting yourself by accepting mediocrity, you’re disrespecting that woman that he (and sometimes she) is committed to. At the end of the day, we have to do the right thing, even when others aren’t because, ultimately, it’s our cross to bear. They will get their turn come Judgment Day.
#4 It’s lonely
Bonding, intimacy, and sex are all natural needs, wants, and desires. Shouldn’t we want those things from someone who is making us a priority instead of an option? He may shower you with gifts, give you money and even pay some of your bills, spend a little time wit’cha. But when he leaves, you’re left with just YOU. By yourself, wondering when the next phone call, text, or encounter is going to be.
Take it from a recovering (attention) whore, it’s not worth it. I know some of y’all may laugh at that, but the truth of it all is, many of us are attention whores. There’s nothing wrong with wanting attention because we all NEED it. Just like a plant needs water & sunlight in order for it to thrive and grow. That’s a form of attention.
It’s just that those of us who lack getting attention in a healthy manner, seek it by any means necessary, with little to no discretion as to who it comes from. Basically, it really doesn’t matter, as long as someone is paying us some attention, which is unhealthy.
That’s all I got. Those are the reasons why you don’t wanna be and shouldn’t wanna be someone’s option, afterthought, #2, or side chick.
~Until next time…
*Disclaimer: I am an author, scriptwriter, and creator of the Get Naked Movement, where I share stories (mine & others) to help folks heal from the inside out. I am not a counselor, therapist, or psychologist, but I am an enthusiast who is passionate about healing & getting unstuck.
Phette Hollins 