Before I began writing this post, I asked Siri what the definitions of bored and lonely were. I had already chosen the title, but wanted to make sure that I was choosing the right adjective to describe my current state. I was right.
I don’t feel sad or a sense of abandonment, nor do I lack friends or acquaintances that I can call on to come visit or to hang out with. This is the first time in my adult life that I’ve not had a humping companion or someone who stimulated me mentally.
I will be honest and admit that I’m not as pressed about the humping part as much as I thought I’d be, though. I’m really taking this time to heal, cleanse, detox my womb. But, sheeeiiittt, I gotta pick a struggle. I can’t not be getting any peen on top of also not getting my mind stretched. Can’t be both, nah!
I am a Gemini, which is ruled by Mercury —the planet of Communication. While I don’t require regular verbal exchanges, I do love to text all day long in addition to the sharing back and forthage of songs that speak to my soul. Music is indeed my love language.
Once I got over the shock, pain, & disappointment of my boyfriend of 2.5 years ghosting me (you can listen to the podcast episode here), I have to say that it’s one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I miss the companionship and the feel of a warm body (he was hands down theeee best cuddler). The late night talks, watching movies, dining out…all of that.
After taking a plethora of courses and workshops on how to regulate your emotions and effectively meet your needs (before anyone else can), I am ready to open up and be completely vulnerable for the next, right one. TRANSPARENT MOMENT…I’ve never been fully open and honest in any of my relationships. I’m owning my shit!
My cousin suggested that I join some dating apps so that I could specifically get my intellectual needs met in the interim of my drought, I meant, pu$$y purge, but I’ve had ZERO LUCK with that.
What has been helping me is journaling. Acknowledging my emotions/feelings, because they’re simply feedback trying to tell me something. I don’t deny them or try to suppress them. I feel them and write down how I want to feel instead, what I want to experience.
You know how they say an idle mind is a devil’s workshop? Well, let’s just say over the last few weeks, I had been texting folks for texting’s sake. Poking dead bears and beehives. On some bored af shit.
Simply typing this post is helping me to not do anything that I’ll regret. To remind myself of how far I’ve come and what I want. And not to let temporary feelings cause me to do something that’ll have lasting effects, like when I was bored back in 2006 and linked up with my neighbor one time. Well, let’s just say that I now have an amazing 15-year-old daughter that I lovingly call #TookieWookie #2ndBorn who, even though she absolutely changed my life for the better, will not be getting a baby brother or sister this way.
Until next time…
Phette Hollins 