My cousin came to visit me at my new place the other day, while I had male company over. She had heard me talk about this guy for almost a year but never met him. Initially, he & I did try to see what we could see. Ya know? See if we could possibly be more than friends. Turns out, not so much.
He & I get along great. We talk every single day. See each other from time to time, flirt here & there, but that’s the extent. My cousin is confused by all of this. She honestly wants to know what is our issue. If we’re both single, looking for a relationship, spending time with each other, talking every day…something isn’t quite right.
I totally understand where she’s coming from. I struggled with this early on when he & I first started talking. It looked promising & then abruptly took a different turn. I was in my feelings. I questioned about his sudden change of heart. Started questioning my worth, my value, my enough’ness. I quickly snapped outta that though.
While we do communicate every day, ironically, he’s unavailable. He’s not available in the way that I desire & require someone to be…& that’s emotionally.
So, because I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water, I’ve accepted things for what they are. Currently, we are holding a certain space for each other. We enjoy each other’s company, make each other laugh, love Crime shows. And guess what, that’s enough.
Phette Hollins 