Life has been truly life’n. I mean life’n AF!!! But I’m still here.
Since October 2021, I got fired from a job, caught COVID for the second time, got into a car accident where I was hit head on by a police officer, had to get that car repossessed, quit a job, & am in the process of filing bankruptcy —AGAIN!!!
I am a firm believer that nothing happens by accident & that there is something to be learned from every transaction, encounter, episode, incident, etc.
You ever heard that saying ART IMITATES LIFE? Everyone has a story. And, to me, our life is a story, played out in scenes, acts, plots, climactic events. In movies there’s a beginning, a middle, & an end. The same goes for life, where WE are the heroes of OUR story.
Like the heroes in films, there is something that (s)he must learn NOW! She received little nudges & hints before but she blew em off. They start off subtle, maybe a whisper. But after being ignored for so long, those nudges turn into shoves, or a head-on collision with a police officer (who admittedly was at fault).
I wanna say that I have been living in survival mode since I had my first daughter at 18 years old but, honestly, it started way before then. It started before I was born. While I was in my mother’s womb.
All of the stress & the struggling & the anxiety that my mom was experiencing that caused her to give birth to me FOUR MONTHS EARLY was passed on to me. I wonder how much more different my life would be had I been born a Virgo or a Libra.
I remember when I was 10 years old & my grandmother called me a Worry Wart. Like, wtf was I worrying about at that age? That worry would turn into anxiety & doing things out of fear & scarcity &…because everyone else was “doing it.”
I got my very first car when I was 19 years old. A brand new car. A 1995 Ford Aspire. No one gave it to me. I got it for myself after having worked 90 days at my first government job with the City of Detroit. I thought I was balling back then but, according to my journal entries (which I go back to read every now & then), I was making like $9 an hour.
I was living with my grandmother (thankfully) & not paying any rent because, who the hell can live off of that with a child?
I would continue on to get new cars every couple of years well into my thirties. By this time my credit was shot because I never learned how to properly manage money. I was emulating my grandma, who leased a car every 2 years. I mean, I ain’t know.
Instead of robbing Peter to pay Paul, I was robbing bofe of them mofos. I had a child to take care of. I had a job to get to. I had bills to pay. I don’t have time to think about dreams & budgets. I had to get it the best way I could.
2018 was the first time I had to get a used car. My other one had gotten repossessed so I had to get whatever I could, which was a 2007 Chrysler Sebring. The car was already 11 years old when I got it & gave me trouble almost immediately.
To date, the starter & the transmission was replaced (which was covered under warranty, thankfully) but what wasn’t covered under warranty was the HEAT. I got the car in February 2018, in MICHIGAN. The heat went out a few months later and still isn’t fixed— it’s August 2022.
I took it to 3 different mechanics/car shops to get it fixed. No one was able to figure out whyyyyyy the heat didn’t work. They all flushed it, which provided a temporary fix for the driver’s side but no relief on the passenger side, where my teenage daughter sits.
After 3 1/2 years of no relief, I refused to go another winter in Michigan driving a car with no heat. So, my fear, anxiety, & guilt kicked in & I went on a quest to get another vehicle.
I got rejected at the first dealership so I went to another & was approved. The gag was they refused to accept my 2007 as a trade in.
So, I was faced with a dilemma. What tf am I supposed to do with the old car? I NEEDED a new car. Uggghhhhh!!!
I got the new car & reached out to a couple of friends/family who I knew didn’t have a vehicle & offered them the option to lease my old car. WIN WIN!!!
All was good until my cousin started falling behind on the payments & I had to pay for BOTH CAR NOTES.
I couldn’t see it then, but this was truly a blessing in disguise. A true example of how everything is working for our good even when it doesn’t look like it.
When I got into the accident, I needed O ye faithful (the 2007 Chrysler Sebring) because, since my car insurance had lapsed, I didn’t qualify to get a rental car, unless I wanted to pay out of pocket. My cousin defaulting on the payments allowed me to take the car back, rightfully so.
Months prior to the accident, I had been getting subtle messages. Little whispers saying that I was overwhelmed, I was living way beyond my means, I can’t afford this car, I can’t afford to get to the job or put gas in the car…on & on. On top of that, I was nervous about driving the car with no insurance, which was a first for me. Remember when I said life has been life’n, right? I wasn’t bullshitting.
The crash was a blessing! It thrusted me into the Dark Night of the Soul which, in films, is the part of the story when the hero hits rock bottom. She feels like all is lost. Like there’s nothing left. Nowhere to go. No light at the end of the tunnel. No forest from the trees. But that couldn’t be any further from the truth.
I am on a new journey. I am building the life I WANT! Not by society’s standards or my momma’s standards or the culture’s standards. I am knocking all this shit over & disrupting patterns, systems, & old ways of thinking. Really starting from scratch & I couldn’t be more excited.
I will be focusing on the 8 areas of life:
- Lifestyle & Fun
- Health & Wellness
- Family & Friends
- Love & Romance
- Personal Growth
- Spiritual Development
If you wanna follow me on this journey, reply to this post or email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject HARD RESET.
Are you living the life you desire & deserve? Let me know.
Until next time…
2 thoughts on “Hard Reset: Designing the Life I Deserve & Desire”
My Pheeeeeeee I’m going to ride with you on this one… love your Phreeeeee
Awww. I love you my Phreeeeee. Thanks so much for your unwavering support 💜😘